The Lonely Goatherd

I constantly feel myself surrounded by people, yet I feel alone. I am so exhausted from being alone. I am tired of being the third wheel. I am tired of being lonely.

I am surrounded by couples, or at least it seems so.

I may have let the one get away, but who’s to say that “the one” really exists.

That’s all I have for now.


What’s Your Number?

It’s been two years since my last serious relationship. Yeah I’ve had flings, but nothing more than a few hang outs, not even dates.

Is everyone allowed a specific number? Have I already used the maximum allowed for myself? What am I doing wrong?

Mt friends are in healthy, stable relationships, but I’m just hanging out alone. I’m tired of being alone. I like to think of myself as an independent person, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want affection.

I loved being alone for about a year. It gave me time to figure who I was, what I anted out of life, and what I wanted out of a spouse. Maybe this time alone has made me too specific, but can one set their standards too high?

I find myself thinking about what I did wrong. How is it that my ex-boyfriend had a girlfriend a couple of weeks after we broke up? Did he cheat on me?

There was enough verbal abuse in that relationship to last a lifetime, so I really valued the time to myself. I got to spend a lot of time with my family and made some of the best friends here at college with some of the most amazing people.

So i’m not alone, I’m just lonely.

In Sickness and In Health

This is usually heard in wedding vows, where the bride and groom vow to love each other and stay through sickness and health. In my case, this vow has shown through a new place I never thought about before. When we are growing up, we don’t notice things as much as when we get older. As a young adult, I began to see the world in a new light. I was faced with trials and tribulations that I never imagined, but that’s for another time. Anyway…I saw the vows coming alive in my life right before my eyes, through my family.

When I was 18 years old, my world was turned upside down with that one phone call no one wants to get with the one word no one wants. Cancer. My Nanie (my dad’s eldest sister) was diagnosed with colon cancer. Everyone was at the house, so supportive and given all the love they are comprised of.

After two and a half years of several types of chemo, radiation, and a clinical trial, we got even worse news. There was nothing left for the doctors to do. I never knew what it felt like to actually feel my heart drop into my stomach.

For the entire month of January, I went back home every weekend to spend time with her and my entire family was there from sun up to sundown every day.

On Sunday, January 29, 2017 the day we had been dreading came, and it came hard.

Have you ever seen someone take their last breath? Someone you love with all your heart? It changes you more than you ever thought possible.

My entire family is leaning on each other and putting us back together. It won’t be real until the first holiday, birthday, or anniversary comes around, but until then we’re all hanging on to each other.

Where I Belong

If someone were to ask me what I wanted to be three years ago, I would have said a doctor. Here I am three years later and I am studying to be a teacher.

For as long as I can remember I swore I would never be a teacher. My mom and sister are both teachers and I just never saw that for my life, not that it’s a bad thing, because as I’ve come to realize, this world needs great teachers.

For my first observation placement, I was placed in a rural school on the other side of town. I was very intimidated at the thought of going to this school where no one looked like me. I don’t consider myself to be a racist, but I still found myself wondering what this would be like. As I started teaching, I found myself able to connect to these students and build relationships with some of them.

My mentor teacher was amazing and taught me so many things about teaching in a rural school. I never realized that you a teacher has to teach through the students not to them. You can’t just teach them, you have to translate the information into something that they can relate to.

By the end of my observation, one kid asked me if I could stay and get some overtime hours. I was completely transformed through two months in this school. These kids touched my heart and made me want to be a teacher more than ever. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be a teacher, but after this experience I know that this is where I belong.

As I sit here watching Freedom Writers, I realize I want to be the teacher Mrs. Gruwell was. This movie is based on a true story.  This is who I aspire my career to be like. She touched her students’ lives through English. This is how I want to be.

Breathe Fearlessly

Insomnia strikes again. In sort of a solemn mood tonight, so I’m listening to the best of TSwift: classic 2008.

Never a clean break, no one here to save me. Breathe. Fearless.

These are two things I wish I could change about myself. I wish I was more fearless. More outgoing. More of a risk taker.

I’m at a place in my life where I feel stuck. Everything around me is always crumbling. Nothing seems to improve. It has been a constant downhill and I just wish I knew how to change it.

It’s just getting to the point of frustration and I don’t know who to talk to about it because everyone else seems to have it altogether and I’m barely staying afloat.

I tend to hide this from everyone else because I don’t want to seem weak or vulnerable. No one likes to feel like the weak man or likes to be uncomfortable.

I’m hoping the change comes soon though.

Daily Struggles

So it’s been awhile since I’ve written. Guess I was a little busy and barely had time to breathe.

Here’s an update on my current life:

The boy I thought I wanted proved me wrong, as have all the others. And I have scabies.

The boy situation started about two months ago, at the beginning of football season. It was the perfect situation, you see, my two best friends were involved with his two best friends, it was a perfect movie-making moment. So I thought it was inevitable that we would end up together.

And so the flirting began, it started off as innocent and drunk flirting. Then we began hanging outing a more private setting. Basically the six of us hanging  out on the deck of the frat house.

I picked him up from the bar and brought him home one night, like a good person would. It was the same as any other time I picked him up: gratitude, flirting, hand holding…but this one was interrupted with throwing up and many strange sentences.

I was trying to decipher what he meant (as anyone would), because like the saying goes “drunk words are sober thoughts” although after this encounter I’m not too sure how accurate this  is now.

At the Halloween party at their frat house, I had seen him flirting and talking to other girls all night all the while he hasn’t spoken to me once. Which is okay because I don’t need that, I just thought were headed somewhere.

When he finally did come up to me, the first thing he said was something along the lines of me staying over there tonight. I wouldn’t have done that anyway because of the scabies, but really wouldn’t have at then end of this night.

Then he actually stopped our conversation and said, “Wait let me go hit on them real quick” don’t worry he came back to talk to me after he struck out.

Then my friend came out and she knew something was wrong the second she saw my face, but she played it off because I didn’t want him to know I was trying my hardest not to break down and cry right there. He told her she looked “hot” and said nothing of the sort to me. Not that I need that from anyone, but it’s still nice to hear. Then he asked her what she was doing next Friday night (they have semi), then she responded with going with another guy to semi. Then he made some repulsive joke about the guy she’s going with, which was completely uncalled for excuse they are just friends. Then he said, “Yeah I’m going solo” again right in front of me. Not that I want to go with him because he was a terrible date at my semi, but he just says things that are totally uncalled for.

That night I realized that he wasn’t worth my time because he was just like my ex-boyfriend. Verbally abusive, saying unnecessary, mean things, and insulting my friends (who have become my family). I couldn’t figure out if he was genuinely nice and just put on a mean exterior or vie versa. I’m glad I figured it out only two months in, instead of a year and a half.

Long story short: I’ve struck out yet again and have nothing to show for it.

Broadway Plays

“Because I knew you, I have been changed for good” this quote is from a song in the broadway musical, “Wicked.” I was so very fortunate to be able to attend this at the Saenger Theater in New Orleans.

I chose to use part of the chorus of the last song of the musical because it holds a very special play in my heart. You see, I’m in a sorority and during the last night of rush week, the song “For Good” (from “Wicked”). When I heard this song and saw my sister (who was already a member of said sorority and was going to be a senior) the way she has met so many people from this experience.

If you like The Wizard of Oz, then I strongly recommend this play. It is the history between the Good Witch and the Wicked Witch of the West. They tie everything together and it all just comes together so perfectly.

If you’re looking for some great Musical to see, here are a few on my bucket list (pretty much anything Disney):

  • The Sound of Music
  • Grease
  • The Little Mermaid
  • Wicked
  • The Lion King


Life with Kiddos

I get to spend four days a week with two little girls ages 5 and 7 and it’s pretty much an all day affair. I forgot how much fun it is being a little kid and every time I’m with them I get nostalgic. You see, it was rare for my sister and I to have a babysitter because my mom is a teacher, so she was off for summers.

Being with these kids all day has given me a newfound respect for stay at home moms. I just had no idea how hard it was to entertain two kids all day long without them getting bored too fast because, as everyone knows, young kids don’t have too much of an attention span. I don’t want them stuck on the iPad or watching tv all day.

So now it’s your turn. I need your help. What are fun things to do with your kids in the summer? How do you keep them entertained? What are some fun crafts you can do with them? I’d like to spend as little money as possible. But please please help me out! It is much appreciated

Bayou Country Superfest

Drinkin’ a few beers with friends, jamming out to country music, wearing cowboy boots, and lots and lots of denim. These are a few things that one might see at Bayou Country Superfest held on Memorial Day weekend.

Memorial Day is devoted to remembering the brave men and women of our great country who risked they lives so we could live with freedom.

If you’re from Louisiana, then there is a great chance you are celebrating at the annual Bayou Country Superfest. It has been held in Tiger Stadium in my college town of Baton Rouge, LA for the past 7 years. The concert features several country artists from Headliners to up and coming artists. It’s one big party as is all the celebrations that Louisiana endures.

This is my first year being able to attend and last night was the first day. I have to say it was so much fun! If you like country music I strongly recommend you attend next year, and make sure you have a good broken in pair of boots because you won’t want to sit down!

There was a 60% chance of rain with a big storm heading straight for us, but we were in Death Valley. As every Tiger knows, the chance of rain is always…NEVER! So we were saved from the stroms of Mother Nature and it was such a fun fun night.


Hello. It’s Me.

Hello fellow late-night internet surfers! For my first entry, I thought I should introduce myself. My name and address are irrelevant, all you need to know are these few things about me:

I am a total Southern girl who has too much sassiness for my own good. I use “y’all” way too much for someone who’s a grammar nut studying to be an English teacher. I never miss church because my mama and daddy raised me that way. I’m pretty short, so I love love my high heels. I like to dress-up, but I’m not afraid to get a little mud on me. I’m a hopeless romantic who thinks chivalry is necessary.

Basically, I’m pretty twisted when it comes to my views. I agree with things on both sides, but when I have an opinion, grab your ear plugs because my mouth runs a mile a minute.

I think you get the gist, whoever you are, if there is anyone out there.

I chose to start this blog because even though I’m surrounded by a sea of people, I still feel alone. I just need a place to work on my writing and just give my thoughts on everyday things, as well as use this as my personal diary.

Signed, SmallTownGirl